Monday, August 29, 2005

Revised Writers' Club Roster, with Cliffnotes

  • Me
  • Mrs. Shannon
  • Brittney
  • Justin
  • Alex
  • Melissa
  • Colton


It was a typical day in the neighborhood--hot as Hades and fairly annoying from all angles. Even so, this is still the best year I've had here in the former Soviet republic of Audubon. For all of you who miss Arnie the Seething Mailman, he'll be back soon--in a psychiatry office following his separation from the lemur he adopted. I'm sure most of you pissed yourselves after reading that bit of a teaser--har har. A shout to Katie for finally updated, and one to Justin (keep it up, troops!). As for me...yeah..I like being a hypocrite, so there. I might write an Arnie later, but if I don't, que sera sera.

With Love,

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Anno Seniorum

Well kids, another year has dawned. This will be my last year with you, having scheduled my ascension for May. College is a looming question for me--where, when, WHY?!, and how. How? Mooching off my parents. Where? Maybe Calgary. When? Stop asking me questions. If I left any out, fill in the blanks with your favorite independent film quotes.

My schedule is as follows for this, the first semester of the year.
  1. Fundamentals of Speech
  2. PE or Study Hall
  3. Business Law I
  4. Study Hall
  5. U.S. Government
  6. Algebra II
  7. Spanish III
  8. Forensic Science

I think it's fun so far. Hell of it is, it's taken all these years for schools to finally be enjoyable. Writers' Club meets for the first time on Monday (current members: Me, Mrs. Shannon, Brittney, Alex, y Justin). If things don't go as planned, we intend to change it into a foot washing cult that meets in small, windowless rooms. Anywho, this is about all I have to say for now. Check back later, Arnie might decide to show up again.


Your Leader

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Personality Test Results

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Work ethic36%
Self absorbed36%
Conflict seeking43%
Need to dominate50%
Change averse43%
Peter pan complex36%
Physical security76%
Physical Fitness57%
Female cliche30%
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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Post-Birthday Commentary and A Psycho-Political Treatise

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy 18th birthday. Special thanks to; Brittney, for hanging in there and helping the boy out; and Mike, for the cool little charm I wasn't home to accept (I will treasure it many years). If I left anyone out I'm deeply sorry, since I have a fairly short memory for contacts these days. I got some nice stuff and some money from my parents and grandparents, and otherwise had a very typical and pleasant 8th of August. Little more to be said than God bless you all.

As for the political teaser, a concept was aroused during a conversation I had with my man Bryce B. this evening regarding a mix of politics, psychology, and sociology. For one, he suggested that when I have completed by double Psychology/Sociology major, that I return to Audubon and determine what's up with it. A place full of apathetic, emotionally insecure/oblivious sycophants? Maybe. Understanding Audubon could potentially help us understand the complex differences between the rural and urban minds--the how's, the why's, and the what if's.

That however was not the brainchild of the talk. You see, there exists a book by an author I can't recall just now called 'Liberalism Is a Mental Disease'. Bearing in mind the psyche of the rural, Nascar worshipping conservative who 'doth not understand this liberal 'enemy' he so despises, I considered a thought rather contrary to the aforementioned book. If liberalism is, quite plainly, the application of simple democratic logic to the political forum mixed with a seasoning of human ego, where does that leave the conservative movement?

Take a look at the traits of your typical outspoken conservative:
  • Shameless, seemingly unconditional patriotism (despite the obvious blunders of a commander and chief).
  • A paranoid fascination with finding (often misinterpreted) religious (i.e. Christian) dogma to support the misguided 'crusades' of said commander and chief.
  • A smirk every time someone says, "Clinton was innocent."
  • Thinking that wearing a tiny pin of the American flag proves that you're not a traitor, or in more classical terms, a wolf in sheeps clothing.
  • Thinking that the suspension of civil liberties is a just sacrifice toward securing a country.
  • Et cetera ad finitum..

We have here at least one mention of paranoia, as well as some subconscious distaste for the Clintons. Logic? A sincere political view? Or the result of some childhood trauma made manifest in our courts, media, and publishing houses--all as dangerous as the first taste of our modern 'Neoconservative' movement.

No, my friends and dear anonymous author, Liberalism is not a mental disease. A potential field day for the ego, perhaps--but in my eyes, the application of reason to reality has never been an illness where government is concerned.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Turning 18, and Why I'm Looking Forward to School

Greetings, fellow citizens of the confused Earth; it is I, your guide to ideas and concepts no man should ever ponder for more than five seconds, let alone publish online for all the world to read. 48 minutes ago (or more specifically, 11:41 a.m. Monday morning) I turned (will turn) 18 years of age; meaning I can now legally vote for people who never do their jobs, go to strip clubs without drinking booze, and consider many of you jailbait (not that I find you attractive).

I signed up for the Selective Service this evening--gave me chills, it did, thinking about my name going on some registry of war-ripe young men that 'Dubya can drool over while putting a red push pin in Denmark. Tomorrow I get my license renewed and finalized (I think, don't know much about all that). Though legally an adult, I will continue to mooch off my parents well into the time I'm settled with Mal in Alberta.

School is almost here, boys and girls. Some of you will remain trapped in this rural hell for a number more years, while others will be departing for the eternally-taxed bliss of life beyond the redundancy of required P.E. Some of you I hope to see again, others...the ellipse speaks for itself. Yes, I intend to leave this country after graduation--and yes, potentially give allegiance to Queen Elizabeth II. My reasons are few and complex--some romantic, others political. When the time comes, if you like me enough you can go to the trouble of finding my new address on your own. It's been fun, but I hope this year passes quickly. Sure, the future is uncertain and potentially frightful--but to go back is to endure further years under Bush, boredom, and life without the person I most desire to be with indefinitely.

Truly, it was the best and worst of times.

A shout out to Mike and his new fish. Another to Brittney for the sexy new hair style. And another to Justin who seriously needs to get off his intellectual ass and give us more A-material on that swanky blog of his. Might be a Writer's Club forming this next year--I know I'll join, will -you-?

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The 27th Greatest Piece of Improvised Literature Ever Created By An American

Hello, readers and unfortunate clickers of the wrong link--it is I, your moral and intellectual leader himself. It has come to my attention that too much of my blog's content is pre-drafted and edited to the point that none of my hilarious and innocent typos could be appreciated. In the spirit of rawness (or perhaps lack of gumption) this post will be entirely unscreened for typos, mistyping, and political correctness.

As I sit here staring at a picture of a dead fish on the cover of Douglas Adams' So Long and Thanks for All the Fish, I ponder the nature of my relationship with all things aquatic. Surely, watching 'The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou' over DQ in the company of my slightly confused mother makes me an expert on the marine-homo sapien relationship. Therefore, I can say with all confidence that I've now forgotten the theme of the previous sentence and the meaning of its inclusion in this post, if ever there was any point to any of it.

I can already taste the smart ass comments this one is going to get from certain individuals named Michael who shall remained unnamed for the sake of congruity. This blog should serve as a great spiritual cornerstone for all of you out there who doubt my sanity. My having survived nearly 18 years with this perspective, set of values, and sense of humor is likely one of the strongest pieces of evidence in support of the existance of God. Not only His existance, but His boundless and quirky sense of humor that can only be fully appreciated when considering the irony of the human race.

I have a dental appointment tomorrow afternoon, so I should be getting to bed so I can be nice and fresh for the man with the floride. Have you ever considered how boring that job must be? Picking around in people's rancid mouths searching for enamel flaws or easily-removable gold fillings? I leave you with this to chew on, and a brief and unwarranted mention of my seriously considering rejoining the British Empire.