Saturday, July 30, 2005

Arnie the Seething Mailman, In...

Ad Astra Per Aspera

With lemur in tow, Arnie tramped down the street away from his smoldering apartment building with a backpack he'd stolen from a small school girl filled with random pieces of his clothes and the lemur's favorite Steinbeck novels. When it became obvious he was living in Bill's apartment, Arnie was forced to douse the place in Jack Daniels and light it up. His temper had worsened when he remembered that he liked Jack Daniels and should have used the gasoline instead, which did not taste nearly as good.

"My God we're getting desperate for plot filler," said the lemur, his voice thick and rich with the Lombardian accent (see geopolitical map of Europe--Lombardy--region in northern Italy, bitches).

Arnie just grumbled and nodded, continuing his trek up the stereotypical city street toward a kindly old man with a cigar--the cigar that Arnie stole and smoked on the way to the bus station, from which he would leave the city for good. That's when the tragic (or pointless, depending on how much of a cynic you are) happened. Rounding the corner toward the bus stations newsstand, the headlines read like molten hot something or other splashing Arnie in the face and torso all at once.

Bill Van Der Hoffenjagerschmitt de Santa Carlota en el Pueblo de Bistec III, Local Doughnut King, Opens New 'Pan-Global Shack of Pancakes and Lesser Pastry'.

Arnie threw himself at the newspaper boy and grabbed the terrified young zit colony by the scruff, hissing, "Where's Bill?!"

"'s uh..over there!" cried the boy, dashing off into the path of the 3:30 express bus from Guelph (that's in Ontario, bitches) and away from Bill and life in general.

Bill whipped around to the direction the guy pointed and snarled, soon crouching over top of and whaling on a rather fat Swiss insurance broker.

Tune in next week!!!


Blogger Britts* said...

tell the lemur that i'm his biggest fan

9:05 PM  
Blogger Mithrandir said...

*the lemur bows his head in thanks, lifting a cup of hot chai to his thin, lemuresque lips*

9:20 PM  
Blogger Mikey06 said...

I don't appreciate being referred to as "bitches" but hey, whatever floats your boat. (my favorite saying)

8:31 AM  
Blogger Mithrandir said...

Ahh, bitch! So good of you to comment!

11:56 AM  

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