Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Arnie the Seething Mailman, In...

Arnie Goes To Work

Viciously angry, Arnie staggered up the sidewalk toward the front steps of the post office he worked at. His hair and clothes were in blackened shreds, he was missing an eyebrow, and someone had applied lipgloss to him during his bin Laden-induced coma. Now he would taste sweet sweet revenge, entering the post office and letting out a great and wrathful cry...
"WHERE'S BILL?!"
The seven people in the post office and those employees that were awake turned to see Arnie seething in the doorway, fists clenched, nostrils contracted.
"WHERE'S BILL?!"
Nobody named Bill worked at the post office, and the attendant at the front desk approached Arnie to inform him of this. The attendant was pierced by many javelins. The customers began the panicing ritual--running in circles and screaming to their respective Marys, Allahs, and Jesuses. With a great and terrible laugh, Arnie vaulted himself over the front counter and grabbed the surviving mail sorter by the hair, weighing and measuring the sobbing young man. As the terrified customers watched in trembling yet pious agony, Arnie neatly wrapped and taped his victim and helped him into a mail truck, in which he would be sent to an elderly hot dog company owner in Bismarck, ND.
The post office exploded. Arnie lept from the remains of his former place of work and tore what was left of his shirt off, stomp kicking a telephone pole and crumpling to the ground with a seriously damaged right foot.

Who will sort and deliver the town's mail?? Who will save the postal worker from a premature visit to North Dakota?? Who will ARNIE KILL NEXT?? Tune in next week, when Arnie adopts an orphaned lemur!!!

2 Comments:

Blogger Mikey06 said...

In pious agony??
And how can Arnie "vault himself" when earlier he could hardly walk? Answers, my friend, I need answers!

6:20 AM  
Blogger Mithrandir said...

Tune in next week.

9:10 AM  

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